Unbelievable Trip on the Train

The trip to Chicago was one never to be forgotten. The experience was wonderful in so many aspects. Not even my mom will ever know what it meant to me.

The night before was full of anxiousness. We, my mom and I, slept very little worrying about it. So needless to say we were somewhat scared of what could happen. We both knew I could have a miserable time and then what would we do? So up at 3:00 and ready to go. My mom packed everything she could possibly think of to help me through the trip; clothes, food, bottle caps, iPod, iPad, and lite writer. And off we go.

While in the truck mama kept saying " trust me and trust God, and everything would be fine!". That line helped me so much and I kept replaying that in my mind all day.



When we got to Quincy, I put the iPod on and walked to the depot to wait. When I heard the train whistle, I was both excited and petrified. What if something went wrong while miles away in Chicago; how could I escape? So I hesitated and backed away. Mama and Dr. L. pushed me a little, and all of a sudden my fear was gone. I can't explain what happened. It was as if someone reached in my body, pulled out the fear and threw it away.

I have always loved trains, so the ride was fantastic! I loved looking out the window at the towns flying by and miles and miles of crop land lying there waiting to be seeded.

Four hours later we arrive at Union Station in Chicago. With the iPod earplugs in my ears, my hooded jacket on and a blanket draped around my shoulders and my mom's arms around me I make it through the station. Then out into the street. Oh my gosh! The sounds and the business was overpowering! But my mom came through again. She never stopped talking about what we were hearing or seeing. Her voice was very calming to me. She also had Dr. L. walk in front of us, and I felt safe following him.


When we arrived at the museum, I felt so much relief! I could relax my body. The sounds were much better to manage still listening to my iPod. We traveled with Dr. L. and Aunt Brie's group which was wonderful; they were always looking out for me as well as K.. She was so kind to me.

While sitting in the museum, I was in awe of the beautiful art work. My mom and I would find a bench to sit on and then just look and let it soak in! I wish I could draw, paint, or sculpt like those artists. I sat and wondered about their state of mind when creating such beauty. My favorite was the American art before 1900. I felt I could see the beauty and appreciate it as well.



After lunch and more museum wandering, our group decided to take a walk to lake Michigan. This hour was the worst of the day. Not because it was not amazing to see, but because I had been pushing myself all day not to make noises, run, or even worse, lose control, and now I was to cross two very busy streets. I was scared! I was not sure I could do it, but mama thought I needed to see the lake. Had she asked me, I would have said no, but she did not, and so we went. I don't think I can explain what it feels like to walk calmly in amongst all the horrific noises of the city. I am always amazed that other people are not bothered and walk forward, not only confidently but laughing and talking. I walked, but definitely not confidently. However I know my mom didn't know how hard it was, or she would have never asked me to go. Am I glad now? Yes! I am so grateful to her and proud of me!



On down the unbelievably crowded street to the train station. When we got there, all I wanted to do was get to the quietness of the train and sit in the chair in safety knowing it was taking me home. However, we had to souvenir shop and go to the information desk to check in. This was only the second time I had to be pushed, this time with help from Aunt Brie.

Finally I see the train! How beautiful it looked! Like it was Thomas from my childhood days watching movies in my bedroom. Thomas was going to take me home!! I climbed in and sat down, and one hour later I took the earphones out! I had listened to the same song all day long! I just saw my mom's face when I typed that. She did not know. She thought I listened to several songs. Well, I don't! I guess the familiarity of just one song is calming and relaxing and a little hypnotizing to me! I had made it!

When we reached Quincy, my heart was bursting with joy and yet sadness! Why you ask would I be sad? I was sad because so many children with my disability would have been left home. Home --- where it is safe and less trouble for everyone. I was given the opportunity and I succeeded telling my family that they may bring it on! I'm ready for many more experiences! Together we can conquer the unknown!

Since I have been home, I feel differently --- A little older, a little wiser and definitely a little less trapped! A wonderful thing happened to me because I trusted in my mom and trusted in God!!!

Will You Take the Invitation?

Antonine de Saint-Exupery said his book, The Little Prince, was an invitation, not
a lesson. I believe the invitation is to find your true self within the pages of this
remarkable book. Each of us believe we know ourselves better than anyone else. But I
fear the only thing we really know is superficial facts; dislikes, likes, wants and needs.
What this book invites us to do is search deeper and think and ponder and delve into
the recesses of our hearts to find out what we need, to make us really whole,
appreciative and caring individuals.

"The only things you learn are the things you tame,"
Taming is loving, and one can only love through time spent with someone. Truly
loving another person takes many moments of learning about them. When you tame a
wild animal, hours and hours are spent with the animal. During this time you are
learning more about each other and reinforcing each other. The fox feels developing a
friendship is a person's reward for spending quality time with someone and becoming
aware of details the acquaintance over looks. Looking beyond the face into the heart
can one only see through the taming process.

"All the stars will be wells with a rusty pulley. All the stars will pour out
water for me to drink...."  Saint-Exupery is inviting us to listen, really listen to all sounds that enter our
being. These sounds can be associated in such a way to bring comfort, happiness and
yes, sometimes sadness. But, the alternative is even more sad; having no associations
and therefore emptiness. So, when the pilot hears the creak of any rusty pulley,
thoughts of his friend come flooding forward. These thoughts quench his ache for a
friend he once knew; like water sustains us, so does friendships. Friendships made
only through the taming process.

Friendships are based on emotions through time. Can one see this friendship

develop? Maybe the answer to the question is yes, however what the two individuals
see in each other may be invisible to the naked eye. "One sees clearly only with the
heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes." Saint-Exupery invites us to believe in
and hold on to the things that are invisible to the naked eye. These invisible traits are
the most important, or at least should be. The invisibility of the trait is it's appeal. but,
one can not enjoy it's appeal if one does not believe in it's existence. The fact that you
believe without seeing shows the amount of faith you allow to grow within. This faith
leads to long lasting friendships. However, this invisible faith can lead to more than
friendships, it can lead you to eternal happiness.

When one thinks of eternal happiness, God is at the center. God and everything
that surrounds this supreme being, is invisible to the eye and yet millions of people for
thousands of years have believed. The power of this kind of blind faith is miraculous.
Maybe Saint-Exupery is also inviting his readers to choose a religious faith knowing it
could lead to eternal happiness. The little prince could symbolize Jesus walking on
earth spreading the good news of love. The little prince, like jesus, saw only the good in
everyone and through his actions showed love, compassion and devotion. When the
time came for Jesus to leave earth, his human body was crucified. The little prince left
earth in a similarly agonizing way. And yet, both left those who loved them wiser and
more devoted than before they arrived.

What is Saint-Exupery's invitation? I believe the invitation is simple. Read, reread
and ponder. Whatever you discover within the pages will be yours and only yours to do
with what you wish. But maybe every now and then you might look up at the stars on a
clear summer night and laugh.

Mother of the Poor

Who is Mother Teresa? Is she a mother in the since of conceiving and giving
birth to a child? No, not at all. However, she is a mother to hundreds maybe even
thousands of people around the world. Without her "mothering" they would have had a
harder, much more agonizing life within their poverty stricken conditions.

Gonxha Agnes Bojaxhiu, Mother Teresa, left her home in Skopje, Mecedonia at
the age of 18. She joined the institute of the Blessed Virgin Mary, the Loreto Sisters,
knowing her calling was to help the poor, specifically in India. Mother Teresa's mother
spoke these final words to her daughter before she left, "Put your hand in His hand, and
walk alone with Him. Walk ahead, because if you look back you will go back." These
words of guidance followed Mother Teresa through the entirety of her life. Mother
Teresa walked firmly, confidently, and of course faithfully forward for 87 years until her
death on September 5, 1997.

How does one live and breathe for Jesus? Mother Teresa lived her life for Jesus,
however, the majority of her life she felt God had abandoned her within her soul. Before
the Missionaries of Charity was developed, Mother Teresa felt God's presence deeply
and heard His "voice" calling her to help the poorest of the poor. Mother Teresa's love
for Jesus filled her completely and she chose to answer His call. With great
determination and persistence for more than two years, Mother Teresa was finally able
to answer His call. The Missionaries of Charity was born. And then at that moment,
God's presence inside her disappeared. Mother Teresa suffered the rest of her life
feeling abandoned by God and yet very few people was privy to this information. On
the surface Mother Teresa was continually faithful to Jesus and accepted with
gratefulness anything that was asked of her.

How can anyone praise and live for God if He is absent from their heart? Mother
Teresa learned throughout the years of agony, God was allowing her to suffer so she
could relate more deeply to the poor she was helping. She came to realize that her
suffering was a sacrifice she was willing to endure if she could bring Jesus to the souls
of the poor. By the end of her life she brought Jesus to 123 countries with 3,914
members serving as Missionaries of Charities in 594 communities, bringing the love of
Jesus to the poorest of the poor.

Why did Mother Teresa accept this agony with a smile? I believe unknowingly
she was walking her own road to Calvary, living the same life Jesus lived the last few
days on Earth. When Jesus was hanging on the cross, He was heard saying, "I thirst."
As well as, "My God, my God, Why have you abandoned me? Mother Teresa's life was
enveloped in these words. She continually conveyed to others that they needed to
"satiate His thirst". Obviously it was not His thirst for water, but His thirst for the souls of
people. Mother Teresa spent every waking moment of her life bringing God into the
souls of others, therefore bringing those devoted souls to God; satiating his thirst. And
yet she uttered the same words as Jesus on the cross; "Why have you abandoned
me?" Like Jesus, she gave her life to the people while serving God. In Jesus's last,
and most agonizing moments on the cross, He was questioning why God had left him in
such pain. Mother Teresa experienced these same torturing thoughts for over half of
her life.

Why did God abandoned them? I think that this book explained this well. Mother
Teresa, in the early part of her life, felt God within her soul and experienced God's
"voice" within her heart. Most of us never feel that closeness with God. Therefore when
Mother Teresa felt the absence of God it was possibly because she had at one time
been closer to God then anyone on Earth. Longing for that same closeness made the
absence feel greater. Did this longing stop her from loving God? Absolutely not! This
longing continually drove her to work for God and please Him. She never refused God
anything. She spent her whole life in poverty with the poor teaching them about Jesus.
Who is the light? For Mother Teresa, God was her light, and for all of the poor,
she was their light. The following letter was included in the book. this letter is written by
Mother Teresa.

"I will never forget the first time I came to Bourke and visited the sisters. We
went to the outskirts of Bourke. There was a big reserve where all the Aborigines were
living in those little small shacks made of tin and old card-board and so on. Then I
entered one of those little rooms. I call it a house but it's only one room and inside the
room everything. So I told the man living there, "Please allow me to make your bed, to
wash your clothes, to clean your room." And he kept on saying, "I'm alright, I'm alright."
And I said to him, "But you will be more alright if you allow me to do it." Then at the end
he allowed me. He allowed me in such a way that, at the end, he pulled out from his
pocket an old envelope, and one more envelope, and one more envelope. He started
opening one after the other, and right inside there was a little photograph of his father
and he gave me that to look at. I looked at the photo and I looked at him and I said,
"You, you are so like your father." He was so overjoyed that I could see the resemblance
of his father on his face. I blessed the picture and I gave it back to him, and again one
envelope, second envelope, third envelope, and the photo went back again in the
pocket near his heart.


After I cleaned the room I found in the corner of the room a big
lamp full of dirt and I said, "Don't you light this lamp, such a beautiful lamp. Don't you
light it?" He replied "For whom? Months and months and months nobody has ever
come to me. For whom will I light it?" So I said "Won't you light it if the Sisters come to
you?" And he said "Yes." So the sisters started going to him for only about 5 to 10
minutes a day, but they started lighting the lamp. After some time he got into the habit
of lighting. Slowly, slowly, slowly, the sisters stopped going to him. But they used to go
in the morning to see him. Then I forgot completely about that, and then after two years
he sent word -- "Tell Mother, my friend, the light she lit in my life is still burning."
I believe Mother Teresa was an amazing woman and spiritually blessed. I
believe she was chosen by God from birth for this special mission, much like Mary was
chosen to be Jesus's mother. Mother Teresa was chosen to be the "mother" of the poor.

Dreams Can Come True... I Hope...

I imagine sitting in a wheat field and several feet away, the little prince is sitting,

quietly and glancing my way. Knowing I would be fearful of the meeting, he takes his
time approaching me. After hours of inching closer, we are now face to face. So many
questions to ask, but where to begin?

We start the usual introductions, and then I start asking him about his
philosophies about, friendships, responsibilities and death. After hours and hours of
talking and debating, we decide to take a walk. Because he is the little prince, we are
able to make our way to Calcutta, India.

As we appear on the streets of Calcutta, we are watching Mother Teresa caring
for the poor. She was talking softly to a group of young children, most without shoes
and clean clothes. But through the dirty faces, I notice a smile directed toward this
remarkable woman. I don't need to talk to her, to feel the presence of God that
surrounds her. However, I would love to introduce her to the little prince.

As the children scatter, she looks our way and calmly walks toward us. Before I
could introduce them, they look at each other and glow. I wish I could ask them what
they feel at that moment, but I feel intrusive at that moment. I want to know how God
lives within them and is it a comforting feeling. I want to know how Mother Teresa felt
when she experienced the presence of God. I want to know what drives her to do the
thankless job she does on a daily basis.

Mother Teresa and the little prince are so humble; they turn to me, take my arm
and guide me to a shady place beneath a tree. Then they start asking me questions
about my life, thoughts, and feelings. How honored I feel at that moment. They
listened intently and of course with patience as I type each response.


As I wake up, I realize, what a powerful dream I had just experienced. With a
smile, I look out the window and fall back asleep looking at the stars.

The Masque of the Red Death in Poetry....

The color of violet, green, red

Significance in the hue?

How do you feel?

Where does the hue take you?

Prospero tried to cheat life.

Hiding away in cowardice,

Trying to beat the odds,

Created a special, secluded, world of colors.

Seven colored rooms, seven deadly sins,

 Significant? defining? revealing?

One color, one room, one sin,

Which room is your home?

Prospero lived in color,

Let death lurking on the outside,

Dancing in the rooms of color, 

Feeling safe and prideful.

Dancing in green,

Envious of bravery and courage,

Hiding from war,

But then the ominous sound of the clock.

Dancing in violet,

Wanting, longing, waiting; for what?

The coming of eternal happiness?

But then the ominous sound of the clock.

The clock awakens;

Dancing stops abruptly without warning,

What will happen next?

Merriment or murder?

Dancing in black.

Splashes of red -- gushing, exploding,

The dancing stops;

The ominous clock sounds.

The doors were locked,

How did he enter?

Seeping through the cracks,

Seeking frightened, cowardly sinners.


Death will find you,
In green, in violet.
Prepare carefully.
What hue is your room?

Inspired by "The Masque of the Red Death" by Edgar A. Poe.

A Seed Was Planted

What is faith, and how does one acquire such faith? In most cases faith and the knowledge of it comes from experiences either from family, church community, or both. I feel my faith was a seed God himself planted within me when I was a very small child. He planted the seed so I could grow and develop a faith so strong it must be shared.

 In my heart, I am your typical 16 -year -old, but to the outside world I am very different. I was formally diagnosed with autism at the age of nine; however, I was treated for the disability since the age of four. I have a loving, caring, and diligent family who have always had my best interest at heart. Both of my parents are Catholic, as well as my grandparents and great-grandparents. The Catholic religion has always been important to my family, and that loyalty has seeped its way into my life as well.

I use the word seep because my Catholic faith found its way into my heart slowly, but on some level it has always been there. I can remember being a very young boy strapped in a stroller, thinking about God and who He was. I had never had a discussion with anyone about God because until the age of six no one knew I could communicate at all. However, throughout those silent years I communicated with God often. The time I spent trapped within my body with no communication outlet was the most frustrating period of my life. God helped me through those years. I relied on His attention to me to sustain some sense of order. I needed Him to remind me that everything would be alright and He would not leave me. I'm sure you are wondering how a 5-year-old could have a relationship with God. That is my point exactly. I believe God has been with me since birth to help me and guide me when my parents didn't know what to do.

And now so many years later my faith has grown even more. I now can communicate with the world through writing but still communicate with God always through my heart. Because of my disability, I have always been uncomfortable in groups, especially loud groups of people. Therefore, I try to avoid such events. Needless to say, I find myself alone most of the time. Because my days are not cluttered with socializing, video games, TV, or the like, I spend hours pondering. I believe the time I spend alone thinking about God and praying to Him has made my faith strong. I sit in my Sacred Heart Church or in the yard of my country home and wonder about the events of Jesus' life and compare them to my own. Our obstacles may be different, but obstacles exist just the same. When the obstacles in my life cause me to stumble, I rely on my faith to pull me through.

It is easy to have faith when the steps are easy and obstacle free. These stumbling blocks are what makes so-called believers doubt and lose their way. In my life, these obstacles have done the very opposite. Of course, I do not look forward to these barriers, but I do appreciate them. At these more difficult times my faith has been tested, and each time I have weathered the storm and grown stronger. I need these moments to help me grow spiritually.

Spirituality lives deep inside my soul. I think God has always had a purpose for me in this world, and I have always known the purpose would call me to share my faith with others. Isn't that what we as Catholics supposed to do-share our faith with others? Well, this is the one thing I have always been certain I could do well. Day to day activities are hard for me to complete. These same activities are taken for granted by 99% of the people in the world. I take nothing for granted, especially my faith. I continue to pray my faith will remain strong.

The faith I am talking about did not come from experience. This faith I have is within my heart. Faith drives me every day to be positive, patient, considerate, and courageous. It takes courage at times for me to keep moving forward when I am so uncertain about my future. But no matter what happens, I have my faith. This faith will lead me around or over all of those obstacles, eventually leading me to a place where I have no limitations. Until then, this seed of faith planted on the day of my baptism in Sacred Heart will guide me through.