Determined to be Free; Free to be Happy

Determined. Determination describes me perfectly. I am determined every day of my life. Determined to wake up and conquer another difficult day. When I think of determination I think of a strong young tree determined to grow in the harshest Missouri winters. The tree withstands below freezing temperatures, and hot sizzling, drought-filled, summers to grow old, strong and purposeful, giving shade and protection for living species. If I remain determined, I will grow old admiring the once young tree, as I write my first novel about the tree and myself.

Free. I have the freedom to believe any way I choose. I am free to become anyone I am capable of being. To be free is an amazing privilege. There are so many children, not only in the world, but in our small little town of Bevier, that are not free. They are held captive behind abuse, neglect or both. They are not free to make mistakes and rise above, because no one is watching over them. I know that I am free to be whatever I am, knowing, my family and my God are there to love me and stand by me through the hardships of my life.

Happy. I feel like sunshine glistening on the ripples of a small creek as it flows into a mountain lake. As the ripples are flowing over the rocks in its path, they are symbolizing my life bouncing along. The rocks, or obstacles may be small or large, each with enormous consequences, but the water and I eventually find our way around each life lesson bringing us to the lake, contentment. Without these obstacles, the water would rush quickly to its destination, enjoying the ride for such a short time. Happily, I am making the long ride with the heat of God’s sun shining on me through it all.

Honest Abraham.... and I......

Thoughts about Abraham Lincoln; The President and the Man

Abraham Lincoln, our 16^th president, has been revered and loved by most Americans since his presidency. He has been given the honor of bringing equality to the African Americans as a result of the Civil War. I personally have learned some of his thoughts and actions recently and admire him even more. He was not only a great president but a great and wise man.

Abraham Lincoln was born on February 12, 1809, near Hodgenville Kentucky. He had one sister and lost a baby brother in infancy. When he was 9 years old, his mother died which left him terribly sad and lonely. However, when his dad remarried Abe learned to love his step mother and referred to her as his “angel mother.”

Having grown up in a home where education was not important, Abe had very little formal education. It has been said though, that he would walk miles to borrow books to read. When I think about him walking miles to read and students today won’t walk an inch to open a book, it speaks volumes to the kind of character Lincoln possessed. That kind of grit and determination is what made him one of the most, if not the most, respected president in our country’s history.

Having only heard about his presidential accomplishments, I thought that his claim to fame was being a great leader for our country. Now I see a different person, not just a president. He said, “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four hours sharpening the axe.” I love this quote. I think he was the kind of person who carefully thought through a problem before acting. He obviously felt that acting impulsively, could lead to an undesired result. Knowing this about him leads me to wonder how many sleepless nights he must have had during the Civil War.

We, as Americans only associated him with the Civil War and equality for African Americans. But, he was a husband and a father as well. He must at many times in his life did not look at himself as an important historical figure, but just a man in quest of happiness. “People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” This quote of Lincoln’s speaks volumes to me. Everyone is in control of the kind of life he chooses to live, whether it be a life of contentment or gloom. Each individual has the capability to make the best of a bad situation with grace, honor and even happiness.

I have taken from Abraham Lincoln’s life a life to admire and honor and somewhat imitate. His determination to rise above his poverty to become a beloved man and president inspires me. I am encouraged to overcome my obstacles to become the best that is within me. I will make up my mind to be happy and carefully plan, without impulsiveness, each step I take, toward that happiness.

Acrostic Poem

Always

Nice

To

Others,

Never

Impolite

Or

Easily angered.

Dare to achieve

With

Armed

Resources.

Dire need of

Assistance from others.

Dire need to give

Assistance to others.

My

Special desire to bring

Purpose

Respect and honor

Over and beyond what is expected.

Kind, caring, and

Unique

Person.

FAITH; LOST, FOUND, CHERISHED

          Loss is a terrible thing no matter the circumstance. In the autobiography Night by Elie Wiesel, written in 1958, loss is something Elie cannot overcome. Elie suffers with the loss of his home, community, town, family, respect and ultimately his God. You and I feel loss when someone close to us dies because of sickness or accidents. We, as a result, rely on our God to help pull us through. Elie has lost everything including his trust in God. Is this loss temporary? Can Elie find his way back or are the incidents he witnesses too harsh for anyone to forget, let alone accept? Elie finds himself in a situation people rarely recover from, however Elie, with persistence and prayer finds his answer.

          When Elie is young God, is so important to him. Shlomo, Elie’s father, noticed his devotion because of his son’s constant prayer.

He watched me one day as I prayed at dusk.

“Why do you cry when you pray?” he asked, as though he knew me well.

“I don’t know,” I answered, troubled.

I had never asked myself that question. I cried because….because something

inside me felt the need to cry. That was all I knew.

“Why do you pray?” Strange question. Why did I live? Why did I breathe?

“I don’t know,” I told him, even more troubled and ill at ease.

“I don’t know.” (Wiesel, Elie. Night. 1st. New York: Hill and Wang, 2006. 4. Print.)

          Thus we recognize prayer is a way of life to Elie. Prayer sustains the young Eliezar to his core because without praying to his God, Elie is unable to be nourished and live. Elie feels the presence of God in every pore of his body and loses control of mortal thoughts. Elie is consumed by the love of a God he is openly spending his entire life, to not only love, but to serve.

          Serving God is a passion that quickly fades with the loss of Elie’s home and town, but his faith, although dented, remains just as strong.  “It was to be the last night spent in our house. I was up at dawn. I wanted to have time to pray before leaving.” (18)

          Elie knows with the dawn of the next day, his life would change completely. Elie knows all the comforts of home will be gone, but he could and would not let the nazis take his faith to a deserving God. Elie believes that wherever his family is placed, he takes comfort in the knowledge that the one thing that will hold them together is their belief in God.

          Elie holds on to this amazing faith like holding on to a runaway train. Elie knows the train, God, is testing him and he tries desperately to keep a tight grip. However, the circumstances and experiences are horrific and he finds his grip loosening with every passing day. Elie questions God’s love constantly; in the death that surrounds him, the anger in the eyes of his captors and even in the watered downed soup he devours each night. Elie wants to keep hoping that God’s love will prevail, but the train keeps moving faster and faster.

          The train filled with terrified Jews arrives at Aushwitz, “not a convelesant home,” where they experience anger at its highest. Angry German robot soldiers push, shove, and demoralize the horrified Elie. Ellie needs to remain strong for himself and especially his father, but Elie’s faith is tested in ways that are unimaginable. Ellie and his fellow Jews experience sights of babies being shot and hangings without cause, and no one utters a word in protest or even prays to God openly to make it stop. Is Elie loosing his faith? The faith Elie has always thought would follow him through life?

          Why, but why would I bless Him? Every fiber in me rebelled. Because He caused

          thousands of children to burn in His mass graves? Because He kept six

          crematoria working day and night, including Sabbath and the Holy Days? Because

          in His great might, He created Auschwitz, Birkenau, Buna, and so many other

          factories of death? How could I say to Him: Blessed be Thou, Almighty, Master

          of the Universe, who chose us among all nations to be tortured day and night, to watch

          as our fathers, our mothers, our brothers end up in the furnaces? Praised be Thy

          Holy Name, for having chosen us to be slaughtered on Thine altar?

Elie is so blind with anger, and that very anger is what drives him. Ellie gets swept away with anger and allows himself to naturally question God and even the presence of Him or the lack thereof. Elie cradles this anger and holds fast which in turn makes him stronger. This strength is what drives Ellie, but his anger troubles him. Elie refuses to let God off the hook.

          But now, I no longer pleaded for anything. I was no longer able to lament.

          On the contrary, I felt very strong. I was the accuser, God the accused. My eyes

          had opened and I was alone, terribly alone in a world without God, without man.

          Without love or mercy. I was nothing but ashes now, but I felt myself to be

          stronger than this Almighty to whom my life had been bound for so long. In

          the midst of these men assembled for prayer, I felt like an observer, a stranger.

          As Ellie’s anger grows he finds himself further and further away from God. The only thing Elie has left to remind him of the days with prayer and God is his father. Elie can survive anything knowing his father is always with him. But, even that grace is taken away in the middle of the night.

           When I came down from my bunk after roll call, I could see his lips trembling;

he was murmuring something. I remained more than an hour leaning over him,

looking at him, etching his bloody, broken face into my mind.

           Then I had to go to sleep. I climbed into my bunk, above my father, who was still

           alive. The date was January 28, 1945.

           I woke up at dawn on January 29. On my father’s cot there lay another sick person.

They must have taken him away before daybreak and taken him to the crematorium.

Perhaps he was still breathing….

           “No prayers were said over his tomb. No candle lit in his memory. His last word

had been my name. He called out to me and I had not answered.” (112)

            No prayers are said either by a rabbi or even by Ellie. Shlomo, his beloved father, is gone and now so is his God. Elie has lost the fight and wonders if he will ever find his way back to God. How can a deserving God do this to anyone and expect devotion? Ellie has to answer this question before he is able to find his faith. Elizer Wiesel’s faith is cremated along with his father and six million other Jews.

Elie’s faith at this point is gone. Elie no longer mentions God’s name or even prays to him. Elie is free from his human captors but not free from the anguish they caused. Will he ever be whole? Will this broken man feel alive again?  “One day when I was able to get up, I decided to look at myself in the mirror, a corpse was contemplating me. The look in his eyes as he gazed at me has never left me.” (115)

          Not only is Elie’s human body the appearance of a dead body but also of a dead soul. Elie sees nothing in the mirror of the spiritual being he once knew. The eyes are hollow and sad with grief. Did God really allow this all to happen?

          Elie’s faith dissipates along with the smoke above the crematorium’s smokestack. Each day Elie watches it float away with the smoke he has learned to hate. So hating God seems natural to him, but then he is reminded of the little boy deep within, that devoted his entire life to God. Could Elie really hate the God he had always relied on and depended upon? Or could he just be angry? Elie decides that anger can eat away at someone and without the help of God could destroy a person’s sole reason for living. Elie understands that it is ok to be angry as long as the anger doesn’t destroy you in the process. Maybe being angry at God actually saved Elie’s life allowing him to become stronger and fight his way through. So, Elie is willing to let that anger and hate float away with that infernal smoke. Not to be forgotten but to love his God once again who saved Elie from eternal hatred. The God, who is with him always.

Wiesel, Elie, Script. First Person Singular. Dir. David Grossbach. Perf. William, Hurt. PBS, 2002. DVD.