Dear
Young Self,
Why
does one have to fail or experience defeat to learn such valuable
lessons? Do you think God was testing us? Sometimes I believe the
events of our life were a test, and God was patiently watching, and
sometimes I think he placed the event in our life purposely. Either
way he was always there with us even though it didn't always seem
that way.
Remember
the time, young self, in Green Bay? You were so excited to see Green
Bay for the first time and to visit your cousins. When your parents
left your uncle in charge, they should have known he was not capable
of such a task. You sat in the wooded area for such a long time and
then your body needed to move, run, or bolt anywhere and so you did---- crossing busy, frightening streets, and then you found peace while
swinging on a stranger's swing. You were so scared your parents
wouldn't find you, but they did. This uncontrollable energy stays
with you throughout your young years, but don't dismay; with each
year you get stronger and stronger in order to push back the
impulses.
Those
impulses were with you again the day you bolted into the middle of a
cow herd. You had only one thought in mind, and that was to get to
the pond. All you wanted to do was throw rocks in the pond to watch
the rippled after-effects, but you neglected to think about the path
of choice. And so a new young mother cow comes charging at you to
protect her young. You went flying in the air and landed face first
into the muddy, manured muck, which probably saved you from real
injury. Your mother came running like a crazed mom and frightened
the cows away. Only a broken collar bone, but once again impulse led
to danger. There will be many more urges in your life, however
technology will help limit the number of dangerous outbursts.
Technology
brings me to the next momentous event. You were in kindergarten and
attending regular class with a personal aide; your cousin Amy Binder.
Prior to the age of six you had not communicated with anyone.
Through the technology of television, Amy learned of communicating
through facilitation. This was a major turning point in your life.
Up until then you had been a son, a grandson and a brother but not a
person with normal wants and needs. Through facilitation your whole
life changes. You become not only a person but a person with a
purpose beyond taking up space.
I
know if you had what you wanted back then, you would have chosen Amy
to be your personal aide for life, but God had other plans. You were
unforgiving to the number of aides you had after Amy, and each of them
left for one reason or another. Finally, after depleting your
sources of qualified aides, your mom took over---temporarily was the
plan. However, your school life blossomed the very day she was at
your side. And you, blessed young self, will still find her there
in the future helping you establish a very respected academic status.
Your
life has been full of complications, but you remained happy and
hopeful throughout. But no one is ever spared sadness, and yours came
too soon and too close together. You lost your maternal grandparents
within one year of each other. You were very distraught over losing
such an important part of your personal support system. Next to your
parents and sister, Grunda and Papa were two of the few people who
loved you despite your inability to perform like other children.
They loved you completely and you felt that loss deeply. Yes, it
happened too soon, and you will miss them always, but on occasion in
the quiet of your room you will feel their presence and will know
through God, they will never really leave your side.
The
year after Grunda and Papa died you had the great pleasure to live in
their house for 18 months. Your mom and dad had sold the house on
Highway C and were building on the Adams Farm. you were very sad to
leave the only house you had ever lived in, but spending 18 months in
Grunda and Papa;'s house was a wonderful experience. Your family had
always had so much space to escape from each other before, but at
Grunda's you were blissfully right by each other's side. You all
enjoyed this time of closeness, and this made your transition from
familiar to unfamiliar easier. You will fully enjoy your new home
and will adapt easily, but I know you were given that blessed year at
Grunda's as a present from God.
God
continues in your life, of course, to be present always, but the day
you made your First Communion he was there with you for the first
time when you ate the body of Christ. The day was intended to be
beautiful, but unfortunately all of the days events were not. Your
mom and you had practiced every little detail that could be thought
through, but practicing with the whole congregation was impossible.
so when it was your time to receive the body of Christ for the first
time, your dad had to carry you to the priest because you would not
move. Remember your mom crying after mass? You felt so badly for
her, but she didn't understand. Today she has learned so much more
about your disability, and between the two of you, you learn to handle
uncomfortable situations much better.
One
of your very favorite things to do is swim, and that remains true
still today. After moving into your new home on the hill on the
Adams Farm, your parents decide to buy a large pool, mainly for you.
That pool was extremely exciting for you. You learned to swim
quickly and spent many, many hours in the pool. Remember the pool
parties with family and friends? You always felt so different during
those times. Most all the time other children avoid contact with you, but in the pool it is different. In the pool you were able to
interact with them, and they in turn were surprised to be interacting
with you. The pool was always the place where you were less
different and more on an equal level. You will always have the pool
in your life, but unfortunately the other friends and family have
outgrown the pool. Don't worry, the water is still calming to you
and is always a place where you get to be free of your disability.
Being
free of your disability is much harder when traveling. In the early
days of traveling things were very difficult for you. Car doors had
to be chained so you wouldn't bolt out, and then there were child
locks. Mama had to bring hot plates to motels to cook your food and
then you learned to eat something that didn't require cooking.
Finally due to your dad's never ending desire to buy something new,
we bought a camper. This one expenditure changed the whole course of
travel for you. The number of trips you have taken with your family
is too many to mention. But you know none of them would have
happened if not for the camping lifestyle. Your family luckily
enjoys this mode of travel as well so it is a perfect match---- one of
those God orchestrated things I'm sure. The security you feel in the
camper allows you to venture out during the day knowing you will feel
safe and secure when the day's sightseeing is done. Traveling this
way will not change in the future for you, and because of your
families willingness to compromise you are able to see sights that
most people with your disability don't even dream about.
Everyone
has dreams and of course you are no exception. You may have
different dreams than most children your age, but I know there are a
few that are comparable. One dream you were able to live was not
only being on the academic bowl team at your school in Bevier, but
actually being able to play. You were so nervous that day when your
coach allowed you to play the game. You knew you could help the team
if you could only make yourself sit still in the chair. Well, you
sat. Not so quietly, but you did sit. The spectators and the other
team were truly gracious and kind, and they overlooked your uncontrollable
noises. It was hard for you to buzz in on questions faster than
everyone else, so you simply waited. Then it happened. A question
was asked, and no one knew the answer. You buzzed in, and with
facilitation you answered correctly. Not only did your team applaud, but the entire room, as well, including your opponents. The sense of
acceptance was great that day. And from that day forward other
students have much more respect for you. This respect and acceptance
will follow you through your school years. You will be rewarded with
awards for your academic achievements but more importantly rewarded
with the knowledge that the people in Bevier Public School accept you
and recognize you as their equals in the academic world to be
equals on any level was one of your dreams come true.
So,
young self, whether God placed all of these incidents in our path or
not is really irrelevant. These obstacles helped you to become what
you are today. and what we have become is a recognized student, a
published author and above all a believer--- belief in God of course,
but also a belief that He has been with us through it all.
Keep
following, I'll be there,
The
Older One
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