Anne Sullivan Macy's Diary... To Jimmie and Helen....

March 3, 1887

Today I met Helen. She was wonderful. She was spirited, active and defiant. Just the type of temperament she will need to survive in the world that will be hers. I hope I am able to help.

Good night Jimmie, I love you and miss you.

March 25, 1887

I have been working tirelessly on Helen understanding that all objects have names and what we are signing are those names. For weeks now I have often thought it was hopeless. Hopelessness is an awful feeling. I have this child’s life in my hands. If I don’t succeed she will end in an institution and I will not allow that to happen. So, today as we were walking through this beautiful plantation we pumped some water from the water pump and it happened. Helen’s face immediately glowed with understanding. She said "wa wa" and from that word on she was like a sponge soaking up knowledge faster than I could give it. What a miraculous day.

Good night Jimmie, I wish I could have helped you.

July 30, 1887

A terrible thing happened today. Helen and I were walking and came upon a cherry tree that Helen immediately wanted to climb. The weather was so nice that I chose to leave Helen in the tree while I went to get our lunch so we could have a picnic. The weather became very sultry and while I was making the lunch the sky became dangerously dark. A storm was coming and Helen was out there alone. I dropped everything and ran. I didn’t realize the tree was so far away from the house. I ran the whole time worrying about my Helen. If she fell I could have possibly lost another person whom I loved. Luckily that smart little girl hung on tight and waited until I touched her hand. I had not failed her.

Good night Jimmie, sorry I failed you

September 19, 1887

Today was a good day. Helen keeps asking what love is and I’m having a hard time explaining and she is having a hard time understanding. But today we have had somewhat of a break through. Up until now Helen could not grasp abstract ideas. While she was stringing beads today she was confused on the pattern so I asked her to think. She said it was the beginning of understanding abstract ideas, which led her back to love. Just then the clouds parted and Helen felt the warmth of the sun on her face. She asked me if that was love and I said no. I said “Love is something like the clouds in the sky before the sun came out.” I hope she understands that I love her unconditionally.

Good night Jimmie I always loved you

Keep your face to the sunshine and you will not see the shadows.

December 29, 1887

Today Helen left the cage opened that held her beloved canary. She had received the canary for Christmas and loved to touch and play with her. I felt so badly for her. I recognized her pain; losing someone she loves and not being able to do anything about it.

Good night Jimmie, are you flying right now? I hope so.

May 15, 1888

We finally made it. Helen and I are in Boston. She was so excited about this trip and I was filled with mixed emotions. Visiting the Perkins Institute was wonderful and sad at the same time. Wonderful because I got to see my dear friends who helped me become who I am today. But, sad because I remember so vividly the anguish that you and I went through.

Good night Jimmie, I hope you know I tried.

October25, 1888

Today, once again Helen and I along with Helen’s sister Mildred found ourselves in great danger. Having gone for a walk in the woods, we came upon the train trestle that we knew would lead us back to the cottage where we were staying at Fern Quarry. I was leery about crossing the trestle, but night was upon us and we needed to get home. As we were walking, we heard the chugging of a train and smelled the smoke. Thinking quickly, I took Helen’s hand and led her to the braces beneath the trestle. I had never been so scared, not only for my life, but for Helen’s and Mildred’s. We managed to survive and walked home to the safety of the cottage.

Good night Jimmie, I am so glad you are safe.

April 2, 1890

Today, again, Helen and I are working on her speech. I know it is so hard for her, but she won’t give up. I think her determination and stamina will in the end be the reason she will succeed.

Good night Jimmie, someday Helen wills say your name.

June 5, 1890

We arrived at the train station today and Helen’s entire family was there to see and hear her for the first time. When she spoke, her mother cried and hugged her so tightly. I can imagine how wonderful for Kate, to hear her daughter say, “Hi mother, I love you!” for the first time.

Good night Jimmie, I always hear your voice in my head and heart

August 23, 1900

Many years have past, and finally Helen has done what she always said she would do. She entered Radcliffe College today and of course I was right by her side. Helen is not only my student, friend, or even child to me, she is someone much closer than that. I can’t imagine a step made without her, a beautiful book read without sharing it with her, or even a breath taken without her by my side.

Good night Jimmie, you are on my left side, and Helen is on my right side; hand in hand we will continue the walk through life.